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Thursday, 25 June 2009

Court case....

So this court case that I've been apart of for the past couple of days is really eating at me! (thats one of the Baltimore City courthouses in the heart of downtown). As are most people when they get their jury summons, they are very reluctant to go. Mine was actually initially for earlier this year (this would have been my 3rd summons in less than a year!), I believe April, but I got it pushed back and that push back day was tuesday, june 23rd. O geez. Since this wasn't my first time, I knew what to expect. If I wanted to I could walk to the courthouse from my apt, it would be a little more than two miles, but a LONG two miles, so i just hoped on the subway (as that takes like three mins), and I got there tuesday a few mins after 8am (had to be there by 815)...last time i got summoned, i wasn't selected for a case, just sat in the room from 8am-4pm and read books, and watched movies they played. That was my plan this time lol. I had brought six running books (lol O.D.!) and my greek enyclopedia-lookin bible (too heavy, never again, wore me down! lol). During the duration of sitting this time, I actually got a lot of work done in regards to planning for the upcoming cross country season, and then they put on "Meet the Parents", so i settled in and watched that for the 2,532 time lol...

After about 2 hours of sitting, we got the call! So about 60 or more of us got selected. After that initial selection, basically theres a process you have to go thru where the judge or attorneys ask questions and they try to slim the big group down to 13 people (12 jurors and an alternate). The process took a few hours, in the meantime, after i would answer the questions, I'm continue mapping out my cross country season lol. Finally it got down to selection time. I was number 335, and they were starting around #260 (there were like 50 or 60 of us, and each person's number was like 3 or 4 numbers apart from the other person's). I was sure i wouldn't get selected cause I'm number 335! Wrong...they actually had their 12 jurors and an alternate, but then the state attorney started saying things like "i would respectfully like to deny juror #2" or "juror #4"...seemed like she completely changed the whole panel! Needless to say i got thrown in for someone else...JUROR #1! LOL. Juror #1 is the foreperson, who is in charge of the jurors when it comes to deliberation, they take control of the conversations in the juror room, and more importantly, at the end they read the verdicts (i.e. we your honor find the defendant to be.....)....O BOY! So now that selection was over, it was about 1230pmish, they told us to be back around 130pm, and then this JUDGE MATHIS CASE WOULD BEGIN!

This is my first impression of a REAL court case. I've seen enough on tv, but this was real life now! So all us jurors return on time. It was I believe four guys, myself, an older black guy, an older white guy (59), and an asian guy...and 8 ladies, 7 of which were black and one older white lady. I'm pretty sure i was the youngest person there (24, 25 in less than 3 months! Ay birthday lol...). I think i was, idk....anyway first impression - the court case began 90 minutes late! We were just sitting in the jurors room, no one was talking. I was on facebook lol. So now its like 3pm. We all walk in, state attorney lady is there lol, the defendant and his attorney, a sheriff, a jail cop, the clerk, and the judge, and maybe a couple "spectators"....judge apologizes, says what he has to say, and the case begins. The state attorney starts out...let me say its strategic. I took a few law classes at Towson, and I know there are reasons for everything that is done in a court case, but when the accusing party begins the court case, it tends to get jurors in the state of mind from the getgo (as much as they warn you about predetermining outcomes) that the defendant is guilty, eventhough they are supposed to be presumed innocent. I didn't like that...basically the defendant, I'll call Bobby, is accused of six counts - i won't go thru them all. But basically he allegedly broke into his ex-girlfriend's daughter's house and assaulted his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend's daughter with a knife of some sort, allegedly. Bobby is like in his 50s, a big guy, his ex girlfriend, well say Sally, same thing, and the daughter, was like 27, this alleged incident took place like a mile or so from my place over in the newer development off of Martin Luther King Blvd....

The defendant (Bobby)'s attorney gave his opening remarks which I didn't think was all that. At that point, honestly, i thought he was guilty. First witness was Sally (the ex-girlfriend). It was sad. The defendant's attorney drilled her. It was clear Sally prolly had a history with drugs, alcohol or something. She really couldn't say much of anything. She was on the witness stand for what seemed like a good 45 minutes. Speech was severly slurred, her story was alternating so many times (the incident took place over a year ago), it was just bad. I was still convinced something took place, but not to the severity they were accusing him of. She basically said Bobby broke in, was choking her, slammed her over a couch, did something to her daughter and threatened to cut off their hands if they called the cops...then the other witness comes, the daughter, well say Nancy lol. Nancy looked like someone on judge mathis lol, and acted the part. She had her story together, but as the defendant attorney kept drilling her, she got a crazy attitude that she would not let go! Them going at it was wild! And the defendant attorney was poised, like he was animated as part of his job, but as she would say stuff, he was never phased. The clerk lady was smirking, i saw a couple smiles on the sheriff and jail cop's face, and the judge? He was an old guy, I don't know what he was doing. He had a laptop in front of him, i was so sure he was just chilling lol...But anyway some of her story just didn't make sense. She accused him of choking her and all that, but that he slashed her with a knife of some sort cause she supposedly had a slight cut on her hip. But there was no evidence of that, there was no evidence of nothing really...

I won't go into everything, but there was just a lot of stuff that was shaky. 3rd witness was the cop that arrived on the scene, a puerto rican lady who had been a cop in baltimore for a couple years, but in puerto rico for 14 years. She knew her story, she was very respectful, I believed her. One thing she stated, and was in her police report, was that there were no visible injuries, no signs of break in, no weapon found, nothing. That was key for a lot of us jurors...final witness was Bobby himself. Another judge mathis character. Big guy, had on some nice white pants, nice long sleeve shirt, but when he started talking, it was clear he probably had the same issue as Sally, his ex-girl (drugs, alcohol, something). His story was completely opposite of the two ladies, like none of this took place at their house, but rather next door at his mother's house, and that the daugther, Nancy, stabbed him with scissors.....IDK WHAT TO BELIEVE!!! The states attorney, appears like a nice lady, would ask him questions, he would respond respectfully, but eventually he got a little animated and when he did, you knew he was from the streets lol and at least some of the real story came out. I tried not to laugh, but the clerk was sitting in front of me looking at me and when i saw her covering up a laugh, I couldn't help it....

So now the case was over, but we would have to come back tommorrow (wednesday) for closing arguments and deliberation. Wednesday comes, case is supposed to start at 10am, we finally got called in at like 1130! What is up with all the lateness?! lol...we hear their arguments, and I must say, the defendant's attorney was good. I think hes somewhat of a shady guy, sly, something. But he had his notes, metaphors, you name it, his facial expressions, tone of voice, just it all. Even before he talked, i was convinced that something took place, i believed Bobby assaulted at least one of the ladies, but I couldn't figure out to what degree or extent. Another thing that "irked" me was that Bobby had been sitting in jail for over a year now waiting for this case to go to trial. HUH???? This is a man's life here....Another thing that irked me which we found out later in the case, was that Bobby actually had filed criminal charges on Sally (the exgirlfriend) about two weeks prior to Sally filing these criminal charges on him. So we also felt like this was retaliation, but moreso on the daughter's part. It was clear she couldn't stand Bobby....

We deliberated for HOURS going back and forth. Well first of all, we had to do it after lunch, so we started at like 130 or so maybe. We finished around 330pmish. I was in charge. We thought about so many different things, it was a lot. Eventually of the six charges, we only found him guilty of one, Breaking and entering Nancy's dwelling. And of that, we didn't feel like he really did that, but by law, he did. Its like if you walk in your house, I walk in after you, and I'm not welcome, basically by law, thats breaking and entering. The assault to 2nd degree of both ladies, we said not guilty, breaking and entering with a deadly weapon with intent to commit a crime, we said not guilty, and two weapons charges with intent to commit a crime on both ladies, we said not guilty. We felt like he assaulted them, but not to the 2nd degree. We felt like, and I felt personally, this was a domestic dispute that happens 1,000 times a day where two people go at it, words are exchanged, some pushing and shoving takes place, but thats really it. And I want to believe that to be true so bad.....cause what if he really is guilty? Although it wasn't mentioned at all during the case, but was only in the police report, he allegedly threatened to kill both ladies....but what if at the same time hes not guilty of anything? We just sent this man back to jail until August (and hes already been in there for over a year waiting for this case) to get his sentencing for breaking and entering. I couldn't let little things like that go...

THIS IS A MAN'S LIFE! A couple times while walking thru the courthouse i would see him being escorted in chains. Chains on his feet, chains on his hand, that image being right there in front of me just stung me, knowing that I'm "in charge" of determining the course of this man's life. I honestly didn't/don't want that on my shoulders. Then, me being the foreperson, whenever we had a question, we had to write it on a paper, have the clerk to take it to the judge, then they would summon us back into court, and the judge would give us the answer. We did this two or three times. Each time, we would be in our jurors room, and you would hear the jail cop take Bobby past our room in those chains, back and forth between the courtroom and wherever they were holding him...those chains!! Those chains were what got me. And the stories of jurors who knew people falsely accused of things, relatives, who are locked up wrongfully, just things! It was so much. I've said a lot, and i know it doesn't make sense, it was so much. It was an amazing experience, really changed how I look at life. The legal system is truly jacked up, whether he was guilty or not...

Needless to say, I was praying for God to give me wisdom when it came to making the right decision, but I'm not going to lie and say I feel confident in my decision. Everything in me felt like he wasn't guilty of much of anything except a typical altercation that takes place hundreds of times a day between families, friends, coworkers, etc. Thats how i felt leaving the courthouse and at that point i had wished we didn't find him guilty of even breaking and entering. The clerk said if we didn't, he would have been free to walk today. But then later in the day, the whole "what ifs?" were playing in mind like what if hes guilty, and lets say gets out in a few months or so...I know me, if I had been sitting in jail for over a year and a half for something I didn't do, or as petty as "pushing" someone, I would instinctively be upset about it, thats human nature. Now him, what if he did threaten to kill those ladies, and cut off their hands at the time of this incident? What if he seeks them out in vengence? I mean we felt like these charges, were retaliation, on the ladies part, for the charges he had put out on them a couple weeks before this incident.

Another thing, off subject, but this is why witness intimidation is big! Each witness that gets on the stand, is supposed to say their name and their address! What witness is going to be comfortable giving out all that info, when there are spectators in the crowd, some of whom are there with the purpose of intimidation either at that moment or later on? It wasn't in this case, but when each witness that got up had to state their home address, that struck me. It was just so much I observed! I'm truly grateful for the experience, interacting with the jurors, seeing what i saw, all that, and being the foreperson lol. I thought everyone could see my heart jumping out of my chest when it came time for me to speak in the courtroom. I have no problem with public speaking. Being a coach, I speak in front of lots of people, parents, small crowds, all the time. But there was nothing like this. I felt like my words were sentencing this man to whatever consequences the judge would deem adequate. I couldn't look at no one but the clerk as she read each of the six charges and i had to say "not guilty or guilty". I couldn't look at bobby, his attorney, the states attorney (who i was told look HEATED!), the judge, the jurors next to me, NOBODY but the clerk...lol, i glanced down at my chest and i was so sure i saw my heart beating! lol, no joke, the pump was coming out of my shirt like "babump, babump" SUPERFAST!!!

Ahh man but it was a great experience. I just hope we arent wrong. Well I hope i am not wrong. I felt like I was the biggest advocate for wanting him to be not guilty of anything. Like for the assault charges, it was probably 8 of 12, but when i spoke up, I convinced the 4 ladies to find him not guilty. If I'm wrong, and something where to happen down the road, thats a burden I don't want to bear, and i could easily see it like "that foreperson! Juror #1! The young black guy! Why did he feel the way he did?!" I don't know. I guess my heart is big now lol. I just know I would want someone to have mercy on me. God already has, and that was something i was kinna sorta thinking about as well. I know how much junk I've done, I'd want a second chance. The thing is, once that forgiveness has taken place, then what? Will there be an even more serious offense or what? All I want is just NOTHING ELSE TO HAPPEN. Thats really it....ok I'm gone, off to start the day, AYYYY SUNSHINE!!!!!

Friday, 19 June 2009

Currently
Mighty To Save
By Hillsong
How Great is Our God
see related
Restored....

I don't really expect anyone to sit and read all that I write. #1 its for me to never forget cause I tend to forget what God has done in my life. Yesterday I went to a noon day bible study at my church (seemed more like a senior bible study lol but it was all good) and that was one of the things the pastor mentioned - journaling prayers, dates of prayers, when prayer was answered, how it was answered, and when God has done some work in your life. #2 It may benefit someone else tomorrow, or two years from now and encourage them to step out and know that there is time (it will make sense later). And Jesus did say to give thanks and TELL of what he's done (it was somewhere in psalms lol, he had us going thru like 20 different scriptures yesterday and that one hit me like "OKAY ITS TIME TO TALK!")....

Long story short - the past 3 weeks or so (leading up until about 6/12/09ish) I've been somewhat stagnant in my walk with Christ. I would read the Word every now and then, but not feel like I'm getting a thing. I would pray and feel like my my lil basic prayers (I didn't have any faith to REALLY pray, I really didn't have enough for my lil two minute walk out the door prayers!) would bounce off the ceiling and come right back to me. It was all in my mind. It is amazing what guilt and remembering the past can do to someone. I was down, but I wasn't letting it show. Its really been like that longer than 2-3 weeks, probably months, but it capitalized the past three weeks (up until maybe last friday things started to slightly change, I guess that would be 6/12/09ish). Well a few days before that I got my wake up call (lets say 6/10/09ish). One of my athletes that just graduated a couple weeks ago (who I've blogged on here about recently I believe) McKenzie, called me like she really needed to talk, so shes basically talking about her life, relationship issues with family, friends, past boyfriends, why she feels stuck and attached to one particular one, etc, etc, but it was one line she said towards the end that K.O.'d me! She was like "I just want to be cleansed from everything". And I was quiet for a few secs and I wanted to be like "I know how you can", but I couldn't muster the words because I felt SO POWERLESS, LIKE GOD WAS NOT WITH ME. I couldn't even say "I know how you can" because I felt like I NO LONGER KNEW! I knew, but I didn't really know anymore. thats how i felt. When the convo was over, she was actually fine, but I left in even more of a dump lol..so I was like u know what, I refuse to go another school year unable to help my athletes LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO when they are clearly crying out. I was powerless because my eyes werent focused on Christ, as in he was my #1 priority. Track/coaching was. It left me so empty. This was the worst year for me. On the track things were rough, but I'm not talking about that, just for me things weren't good because track/coaching became my "god" and I knew it and it wasn't like i was enjoying the process, i was starting to dislike it. And then the sins of my past made it all even worse (I don't need to write those, I'll remember those forever LOL)...

So Last Friday I spent a decent time in the word (lets say 6/12/09). I was feeling like I just wanted to give up on everything and just go back to the simplest of things - GOD I JUST WANT TO LIVE RIGHT! AND THATS IT! There was no "use me for this, I wanna do this for you, do that, bless me, i wanna save the world, etc". (I couldn't do any of that anyway without me being together, and I really believe a lot of people miss the simple things tryna go for the "deeper" things). So I started meditating on simple scriptures like Psalms 119:1:3 (I think lol, I'm not good with references but thats not important, just as long as I know the Word IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER! lol) where David asks how can a man keep his ways holy and pure? And he goes on to answer it by "living according to the Word of God". And throughout that whole chapter he kept talking about "God's commands" so I said to myself "okay, when I read the Word now, I'm going to write down all of God's commands and thats what I'm focus on". So I bought 400 index cards, a bunch of pens (this is a lifetime project, as I will come to find out later lol). but something else was missing (came later). I know there are books out there with "all of God's promises", shucks, I got at least two of those! lol, but this is for me, I don't want a book, IM TIRED OF BOOKS! lol.....

So I was scheduled for vacation this past monday (6/15/09) thru Father's Day (6/21/09) from my night job which would give me practically 24 hours of freedom and my goal was to spend time in the Word, and praying and getting away from L.I.F.E. and just getting closer to God. Other than the brief 90 minute practices I had with two of my athletes, Ashley and Niema, my days were super free. So I got started Monday. I couldn't even tell you what I read though. I DONT REMEMBER! (Problem?) So I planned to get away, go to the mountains, enjoy the beauty, and just pray. Meanwhile, over the past couple of days, one of my former athletes who graduated in 2008, Kelly, had been hitting me up over the past 4 weeks like "WE NEED TO TALK!" Shes extremely energetic, and at first when the texts started I'd be like "ok" but then she would hit me back like "o, i can't anymore". Sometimes it was a txt that was supposed to be a phone call, sometimes it was supposed to be a visit, and at least ten times (literally) she would "cancel" it and i was getting frustrated like "JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" LOL....so this past sunday (6/14/09), some four weeks after these "i need to talk to u" txts followed by cancellations had begun, she hits me up like "NOW ITS TIME!!!!" (coincidence? lol, i think not, God knew what he was doing). I'm like "o no, this is my vacation week, I am getting away from everyone, everything, and I'm not going to sit around any day this week and wait for you to be like "I'm meet you here" and then cancel again lol. I told her I was going off to the mountains to just get away, but I left it at that. So she basically begged me to come, after a couple hours (yes it took that long) I was like ago...I'm not going to get into it cause its another long long story, but Kelly is one of the biggest encouragements in my life. I've known her since 06, when she was one of my juniors on the team. She was wild (she will tell you herself), boy crazy, partier, but so so energetic just always flowings with "joy". Well around oct of 2008 (she graduated and left me june 08) she got saved and my goodness, I have NEVER SEEN a transformation like hers in my life. I was part of the process so its so close to home with me, but still, everytime I look at her and listen to her I see God's work. Its incredible when YOU KNOW how people once were, you saw it daily, and then to see God change them, its just like man. Okay, I'm about to start shedding a tear so let me continue lol...

So yea we set out early tuesday morning, and as soon as I got her she starts telling me about everything thats been happening to her and how God had been shaking up things in her life.Again I'm not going to put it all here, thats her story, but it was starting to sink in me from the getgo. No lie, she probably talked for 4 hours straight (including the drive, and the two hours we just sat on a rock at the mountain and I listened to every word). Her story was just eating me up inside and I was so glad I was there to listen. When all was said and done, we just walked and enjoyed the quiteness, then I began to talk. I talked a good bit, but i wasn't going deep into my situation, but I said enough and when I was done (maybe after 90 minutes or so, throughout the time we were walking I was talking, no stationary) I had came to the conclusion that I had to find my spot and go pray. So we probably kept "hiking" for another 3 hours, we eventually went back to my car and listened to some of her favorite worship music, and then we went to a lake, and eventually parked at another big mountain. She took a nap, and I climbed the mountain alone to go off and pray. Don't know how long I was up there, but it was great. Just poured out my heart. When I was done, climbed back down, and came to the conclusion that I was going to a prayer or bible study somewhere and I only knew of two places that had something going on on a tuesday night. It was about 4pm, I was either going to my church, Bridgeway, which has a prayer mtg at 7, or a bible study at Living Waters out towson (I had to take Kelly back to her sisters place like 5 mins from LW, so if it was close to 7ish, thats where i was going. My church, bridgeway is way out columbia). On the way home we stopped at the christian bookstore and I became INTRIGUED with this greek interlinear bible. I bought it and I love it! (that was the missing piece from my pens, and 400 index cards lol). Its the pureest form of the Word. I recommend it to anyone. Its the size of an encyclopedia lol, its just for the new testament, in the center its the greek words with the translation and on the left of the page is the NIV verson, on the right of the page is the KJV version, and in the back is a greek dictionary for all the words in the NT and their definitions, it is an amazing tool...

Anyways, went to the bookstore, then came to my place to change, then i took her home, and it was 630pm so I made up my mind to go to my church, Bridgeway - AND THIS IS WHERE MY STORY REALLY BEGINS, AT LEAST FOR ME - Once I pulled up, around 650pmish, I had in my mind I was going to seek prayer out from an older man, thats what I wanted. AS SOON AS I WALKED IN, immediately, this guy stood out to me. Probably late 50s, black guy, glasses, he just stood out. I'm like "I know him from somewhere", but it wasn't coming to me. He was talking to a lady so i had kinna pegged out that i was going to seek him at the end. lets say his name is "paul" lol. So the prayer mtg starts at 7, its 186 people there (the church is about 2,000 deep, but i only know it was 186 people cause at the end thats what they said lol). They start with testimonies. Maybe 10 people said something, but one stood out to me. An older guy named Cecil, again maybe late 50s or maybe even older, he got up and talked about how today God led him to pray and help two people today at a gas station. It was good. So now I was like "okay, I'm going to seek out Cecil for prayer" LOL! After testimonies, Pastor comes in and does a brief teaching on Matthew 6 (the end of it) about being anxious, and worried, and SEEKING GOD FIRST. That hit me hard. I know everyone has heard it before, seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things should be added to you. I've heard it maybe 2000 times before, but this time it just sunk in....pause - basically tuesdays are my only days "off" from my night job. My plan starting in july was to start working on tuesdays as well so that i can "break even" and pay all my expenses. If I worked on tuesday nights, I would make just enough to cover my expenses for the summer and not have to dip into the "little" extra money I've got left over from teaching - unpause so after the brief msg, I came to the conclusion i was going to seek God, trust him and not work on tuesdays, which also would allow me to attend a bible study or prayer mtg tuesday evenings since none of my other evenings are available thanks to my night job.

So after the msg, they start prayer. The first thing was people needing physical healing. Maybe 25 people stood up, so Pastor is like
the people around those that stood up, start praying for them" (I'm paraphrasing). The guy next to me stood up and I was like "o no, this is NOT what I'm looking for, I made the wrong decision, I should have went to Living Waters" LOL! I ain't get up, some other people came and prayed for him. What was worse, they were told they had one minute to pray for those that needed physical healing. Now I'm like "I REALLY AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" lol....then afterwards the next "peayer" was for those struggling with emotions/mental issues. Maybe 10-12 people stood up. One of the assistant pastors came in and prayed for those individuals. That was actually good. Lastly, the final prayer was for those needing spiritual restoration. Those who were saved, but felt a disconnect for some reason. I kinna thought that was me, but i wasn't sure. 7 people got up. Pastor had them come to him, all the elders and assistant pastors came to those individuals and anointed them with oil, and layed their hands on them, and began praying. That was good, but i felt like that I had just missed my opportunity, especially leading up to it when Pastor kept saying "anyone else?! anyone else?!" lol. So when all was said and done, it was a little praise time, and then afterwards they had another prayer for a couple looking to adopt. They need 14Gs, and everyone just started giving, it was really nice. Then its 840pm, and the last thing they do at tuesday prayer is go in the sanctuary and pray for all the seats for sunday's service. At this point i was in a dump, like "I missed my opportunity, I should have went to Living Waters" lol. So once everyone starts to get up, I run out to my car, and sit there for like 5 seconds and I'm like "No!". I'm find Cecil and have him pray for me. So I walk in and guess whose coming out?! Cecil! As hes coming towards me I can tell he clearly has somewhere to go, so I don't say anything. NOW IM REAL DOWN! lol, so I'm like "forget it", I'm come back wednesday morning (they have a 6am prayer on wednesday mornings). S

o I go to the bathroom, and on my way out the door, as I approach the entrance/exit of the church, I look to my left in the greeters room, and there is "Paul" alone, the older guy I had noticed from when i first walked in at 6:50pm at the start of the meeting. Hes waving at me. I walk over to him like "let me see where I know him from". So I introduce myself, and I'm like I feel like I know you from somewhere, did you go to FCF?? (the church i grew up in from elementary school thur the 9th grade), STCF? (the church i went to off and on in high school and some of college), and for maybe the next 30 seconds i tried to figure out where i knew him from and hes like no, I dont think you know me lol. I gave up and just got down to it, I was like "I would just like you to pray for me. I didn't feel comfortable getting up at the end of the meeting when Pastor made the call for spiritual restoration, but i feel like I have a disconnect in my life. I'm carrying a lot of guilt for things from my past...." and i went on for maybe a couple minutes. As I was talking "Paul", and another guy (lets say Wayne, an asian guy, who come to find out was an elder at the church, he actually had prayed for the couple looking to adopt) came in and closed the door. They sat me down and just started praying for me. IDK bout the time, maybe was seven mins but i just started to feel a release! Then they stopped and "Paul" asked me "Shedrick, what exactly do you want God to do for you?" and I told him. "I want a clear mind, and ALL I want to do is just live right, thats it", (EXACTLY WHAT I HAD COMMITTED TO ON 6/12/09ISH). So they both anointed me and began praying somemore, maybe another 7-10 minutes, IDK. I started to cry, their prayers were so real! They started talking about David, and Paul, having a heart like them, having a hunger for the Word of God (I'm paraphrasing, but it was deep), just a bunch of things that I've already seen coming to past. I couldn't believe what was happening. I just felt....RESTORED!!!! At the end, i was still crying, and was just so thankful, told them both i was thankful, and i left there and sat in my car like "Wow!" Here I am like i made the wrong decision as to where i was supposed to go to church tonight, either LW or Bridgeway, but God designed it so perfectly as to the guy that stood out to me IMMEDIATELY when I walked in at 650am, ended up being the one to pray for me and RESTORE me! As I'm driving home, I still couldn't let go of where I knew this "Paul" from (come to find out that was his real name! lol). I took the backroads home, and drove past Patapsco State park (its around 915pm) on route 40, and when i pass the main entrance it hits me.....THAT WAS ONE OF MY 6TH GRADE TEACHERS!!!!!! MY 6TH GRADE TEACHER!!! MR. PAUL ROBERTSON!!! Taught my video production class at Sudbrook magnet middle school, my 6th grade class, 13 YEARS AGO!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

I came home and tried to find my my middle school yearbook (to no avail lol) but i was now DEFINATELY going to prayer at 6am wednesday morning and hoping he would be there. When I got in I just dove into my new greek bible! lol, starting with the message pastor taught on, Matthew 6:24ish. I started writing them out on index cards, looking up the words in their greek form, and the definitions, everything. (I also have to add, that whole day i went without my phone lol, so when i came back i had a few msgs lol). I took a couple minutes to handle whatever msgs i had and just jumped back into the Word. I was so hungry, like I've never been before. NEVER BEEN BEFORE. A few mins later, Kelly texted me like "how did prayer go?" and I told her the story, how i thought i went to the wrong church tonight, but the final 10 secs i was there, God worked an amazement, and i told her how im so sure the guy that prayed for me, paul, was my 6th grade teacher from 13 years ago!!!! 13 years ago!!!!!!! Just sit and think 13 years ago! And how someone can come back into your life from 13 years ago!!!! And she wrote me back all happy and like "See Shedrick, you have to agree with me, GOD IS SOO TIGHT!" lol. (I would always on get on her about that line, cause she sounds so white lol), and i was like "umm yea, I agree lol!".....

So Wednesday morning I got up and went to the meeting. When I got there. There was only ONE person there - PAUL ROBERTSON! He was praying, so I got down and began to pray. Eventually another older lady walked in, Lorraine. After maybe 10 minutes, he stopped, greeted me, and told me basically what happens during wednesday morning prayer. So it was just us three, and he asked for testimonies. I HAD TO GO! So I spilled the whole story, got detailed, but I didn't mention that I know that I know I know Mr. Robertson! Talked about my sins of the past, the coaching thing as a "god", etc, etc. When I was done, they were both just so happy, particularly Paul, it was good to see. Then a couple other people came in, Cezar (a guy maybe in his 40s) and Roberta (maybe her 40s as well). So we just prayed for idk how long, I just know the mtg started at 6am and when i walked out the door it was a lil after 8am. Towards the end, ah i remember! I was talking about how this past year I would say things and speak scripture to some of my athletes, but the manner I did it wasn't "Christ" like, although some of them were definately positively affected by it as they would come to tell me later on. But Roberta was like make sure your careful about speakiing scripture and all that in the school system, I'm like "I've been doing it for three years now, it works....thats how Kelly got started!" I used to get on her, with love back in 07/08, she would brush me off, but then send me a text at like 2am or a few months after the fact talking about the scripture or something. That was out of love. My approach at times this year with my athletes was more so an utter disdain for what they were involved in and i would just come off WRONG. But I'm like as for speaking scriptures, please, I put it on our team website (www.wolverinestrack.com), I put them on the practice schedules each week, while i was substituting the past 3-4 months i would FORCE (lol) some of the kids to read certain scriptures in class, lol. So I'm not "worried" about all that. I just needed to get ME taken care of this week, get back to the basics, so everything else, if I'm supposed to do it, will be done the way God wants it done, not how I THINK it should be done....

So eventually the other three people leave and its just me and Mr. Robertson. He starts talking about how he was a teacher for 40 years in the Baltimore County School system and i just jump in like "I KNOW YOU WERE MY 6TH GRADE TEACHER AT SUDBROOK!" Then he looks at me like "Really?" I was like yup, video production, 13 years ago....of course he went on to say he gets that from people a lot, but after teaching for 40 years, its hard to remember everyone, although he does remember certain people. So I named one I knew he would remember, this russian guy Ilya Kramer, who has got to be a professor at oxford or something, he was an utter genius. Of course he remembered him, and was like yea, Ilya, if hes following his call faithfully, is going to the top somewhere, he was just intellectually 20 years ahead of everyone, including the teachers! But anyways, later on Mr. Robertson was talking about how up until last saturday (6/13/09) he was feeling like he wasn't doing what God wanted him to do, as if he was supposed to be doing more, but then he realized tuesday (at the prayer meeting) that God is using him (shucks I'm an example!!!) Sometimes we think we are supposed to be doing some big amazing things, when in reality, its the smaller things, like praying for someone, that make the biggest differences....afterwards, i went to the patapsco state park, got a little spot by this lake and prayed. It was great. Walking back to my car I saw three deer just laying in this little grass patch covered by some woods, maybe 70 meters to my right. I mentioned that because when me and kelly were in the mountains, we talked about EVERYTHING, God, heaven, wonders of the world, i mean anything. One of the things she asked me was "what do deer do? like do they sleep?" LOL....so when i saw this, thats immediately what came to my mind lol. So I sent her a text like "yesterday you asked what deer do? Well I just saw three deer laying in a small patch of grass just chillin, so thats what they do! Chill!" lol......

BUT NOW MY LIFE IS CHANGED! Yea its only been 4 days or so, but I'm hungry for God like never before. I used to turn an awkward ear to people that would say statements like that, now I'm one of them. Nothing else matters to me. I used to be a tv addict, now both tvs stay off (for the most part lol). I tend to just leave my phone around. Although I'm involved with track, I'm no longer a slave to it and every 5 mins checking track websites, and digging into my coaching books, and editing workouts, etc. ..I just have this desire to want to study the Word and pray about anything. that used to be SOOO HARD for me. And I don't say that to brag or anything. None of this is for that. I just want to encourage somebody, thats all. I normally don't talk about what goes on in my life, I'm always the listener, but i just felt the need to let at least some of it out now....the first night, my dreams were completely different, i saw the prayer meeting before it happened, not necessarily the people that were there, but it was the wednesday morning prayer meeting and a girl from my high school was in an SUV next to me, i could distinctly recognize her face, havent seen her since 2003ish, but when i woke up i said a brief prayer cause i had no clue what the dream meant....wednesday night had another dream, had no clue what it meant, but i just prayed about it cause it involved people i would definately see again or hear from at some point....and last night, idk if i had a dream, i just know i woke up at 530 ths morning....

Now I'm off to track practice this morning at 9am. Afterwards, get an oil change, and then head down to PG County to watch one of my incoming sophomore run the 800-meter run at the PG Sports Complex outdoor track. Shes down there all alone, cause her pops had to work and i guess no one from her summer team qualified, so i told her i would come around 2pm, and her race is scheduled for 3pm, and as soon as shes done, I'm out! lol, im not getting distracted any longer....tommorrow night I'm go visit my homeboy in northern va, we got to much to catch up on. He just got up and moved from baltimore last saturday, didn't even say anything! lol, thats who I look up to, an excellent godly role model, James...Wednesday McKenzie called me, asked me about what was going on, so i told her! Didn't get detailed, just told her i felt like I was back on track with Christ. So I told her I'm taking her out tommorrow (saturday). I didn't tell her where to, or why I'm taking her out, but I'm speaking the Word to her like i should have done last week. But now I can because I REALLY REALLY REALLY know how she can be cleansed of everything

THANK YOU JESUS 4 RESTORATION!

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

ReStOrEd!

have to blog about it another time, its too long lol...

Sunday, 14 June 2009

CATOCTIN MOUNTAIN PARK!

I was out that way last year, when I was driving to Catoctin High School to see Ashley run, the last week of June 2008 (ironic, we'll be back there the July 4th weekend for a meet). I remember just looking at the mountains off I-70 like "BEAUTIFUL!". It was gorgeous. There was a little wildlife zoo, and all the trees and the hills and mountains, that you could see in the distance, it was amazing. So now I'm going to go. Its only an hour drive. I'll head out tuesday morning spend all day there, maybe spend the night and come back wednesday afternoon, or just come back late tuesday night. We'll see. I can't wait! Being thats its just an hour, I might go back later on in the week or over the weekend, take a million pictures and just enjoy God's beauty. And hopefully spot a bear! (a good distance away though lol)....

Saturday, 13 June 2009

I need to get out and go do something!

Deep Creek Lake, Maryland, looks like its a two hr drive, not too bad...I'm real big on going to a park, or a lake, or something. A lot in me wants to go to the mountains somewhere and drive around, maybe get out, hike a little bit and find a bear. I love wildlife, and i really want to see some wild animals in their natural habitats. I'm just not sure thats the best thing to do by if I'm by myself lol. I've seen too many of those "Untamed and Uncuts" and "I shouldn't be alive" wildlife shows on Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel to know. "BE SMART SHED"....but last night when i got off work, i was two seconds from packing my car and driving to florida, until i remembered i had a track meet today, and tommorrow morning for one of my athletes. Thankfully we should be out of the meet by 11am, I'll prolly go swimming afterwards. Eventhough I can't swim lol.....once i paid my bills a few hrs ago, and went thru the budget, it seems wise to do something in maryland, or viginia, or something close. Something to do with water, nature, mountains, SOMETHING! I'm going to do something! Theres no way in this world i can sit in this apartment for a whole week with no agenda...